My fursister, Moose passed away this morning at 1:02 am in the company of my dad at the ripe old age of 13 years, 2 months, and 10 days old.
I went home to do laundry at about 12 today, and Moose greeted me at the door as usual. She hobbled outside several times and ate her lunch and scarfed down a treat afterward. Just before 6pm, after running a few errands with my mom, and finishing my laundry I was getting ready to leave as I noticed Moose trying to get up the bottom 2 stairs to settle herself down on the landing. She was having a really hard time getting up those stairs. I lifted her up onto the landing and put a blanket on her (over the last year, Moose had gotten very thin and got cold easily). She seemed tired, so I sat with her for awhile. As I stayed near her, I could hear almost a thumping sound that was occurring as she was breathing. She also couldn't seem to get comfortable. I continued to pet her, and I tried to give her another treat, which she proceeded to spit out. That's when I knew that she wasn't her old self. She NEVER would spit out anything food related unless it was an unpeeled grape or a pretzel. After staying a bit longer, I had to go home, but not much later I got a call from my mom saying that she and my dad didn't think that she was going to last through the night.
I spent the next 6 hours periodically bursting into tears over the thought of loosing Moose. In my household, we were brought up with the mentality that Moose was our sister. She did everything and went everywhere with us. She always just wanted to be one of the girls and be where the people were. Loosing her is like loosing a sister. She always made sure that she showed us how much she loved us (Even after that one time up at our old cabin when I accidentally slammed her tail in the door- yet afterward she still came up to me, with her bloody tail wagging and licked my face).
My dad called me just after she passed on. I hadn't been able to sleep all night, so when I heard my phone go off, I knew what had happened. He was face to face with her when she went, so she wasn't alone. Getting that call from my dad was one of the most heartbreaking things that has ever happened to me. I'm pretty sure the last time I heard my dad cry or get choked up was when his mother died about 13 years ago, so to hear his voice cracking on the phone made it even harder for me to hold it together. L has been amazing this evening. Even though he has to be up for work in just a matter of hours, he woke up with me and comforted me until I was ready to make some phone calls.
Over the last couple of years, we've all felt like Moose was living on borrowed time. We were all hoping that she would choose to leave us on her own without us having to make the decision of whether or not we needed to bring her to the vet, and in the comfort of the only home she's ever known. While her joints were often stiff, her eyesight was going, she was partially deaf, and her hips were starting to get sore, she always had a healthy appetite and was still able to somehow steal bags of bread and treats off the table. Going home for dinner is going to be difficult- the first time at my parents house without Moose is going to have a dreadfully empty feeling to it.
I found a poem by an unknown author that made me feel a little bit better about the situation (though just burst into a new batch of tears rereading this):
When tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see;
The sun will rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me.
I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today,
Remembering how I'd lay my head
In your lap that special way.
I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too.
But when tomorrow starts without me.
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name
And petted me with her hand.
She said my place was ready,
In Heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.
But, as I turned to heel away,
A tear fell from my eye,
For all my life I never thought
That I would have to die.
I had so much to live for,
So many sits and downs to do,
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.
I thought about our lives together,
I know you must be sad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
And all the fun we had.
Remember how I'd nudge your hand,
And poke you with my nose?
The frisbee I would gladly chase,
The bad guy, I'd "bark and hold".
If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for awhile,
I'd wag my tail and kiss you,
Just so I could see you smile.
But, then I fully realized,
That this could never be;
For emptiness and memories
Will take the place of me.
And when I thought of treats and toys,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you and when I did,
My dog-heart filled with sorrow.
But then I walked through Heaven's gate,
And felt so much at home;
As God looked down and smiled at me,
From His beautiful golden throne.
He said, "This is eternity,
And now we welcome you,
Today your life on earth is past,
But here it starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last;
For you see, each days's the same day,
There's no longing for the past.
Now you have been so faithful,
So trusting, loyal and true;
Though there were times you did things,
You knew you shouldn't do.
But good dogs are forgiven,
And now at last you're free;
So won't you sit here by my side,
And wait right here with me?"
So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart.
For every time you think of me,
I'm right there, in your heart.
I love you, Moose. You'll never be forgotten.
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